If you want to learn how to flirt, you may be pleased to learn that there is actually a structure behind it that you can learn and practice.  It may seem as if some people have been born with natural skill flirting with women, but I can assure you that at some point they learned what I am about to tell you here, though many may not be able to consciously articulate what it is they are doing when they interact this way with women.  Similar to learning how to approach, the emotional state you are in is more important than what you say.  Getting good at being a flirt is all about getting into a particular mood and then playing around with a particular style of communication.  This communication has a structure to it and once you have mastered a couple of lines, you will be off and running.  Just like learning to open conversations with women, lines can be used as a crutch until you feel comfortable ad libbing them.  It’s a lot like doing improv.

When you flirt, if you do it with a particular goal in mind, you are going to have a difficult time getting yourself into the right state to do it well.  When I flirt with girls, heck… when I flirt with anybody ( it doesn’t have to be sexual) — the only goal I ever have when I am out flirting is to play and ’share some happy’.  In order for me to ’share the happy’, my cup needs to be overflowing in the first place.  Encouraging a particular emotional state is the subject for another article, but suffice it to say, if I am going to learn how to flirt with women I am going to have to put myself in a talkative, playful mood – flirting is about sharing, and less about trying.  Sometimes this will require me to force myself to talk to people to shake off the ‘ring rust’ and force myself to become sociable.  Regular chit-chat and pleasantries are a good way to get started.  Quick little non committal interactions with ANYONE are good.  Saying ‘hey’, asking people for the time getting myself comfortable and acclimating to the social pressure that exists when interacting with strangers.  Yeah, Im still sensitive to all that stuff, but I know how to’ step outside of myself’ and put myself out there.  This is the same way I warm up to pick up women when Im going barhopping at night.  I won’t always wait until Im feeling just right either.  Usually I will warm up by throwing out a couple of  banter lines without worrying about the outcome.  A little game I play with myself is that what I am doing is my job.  I like to play host and gradually ramp up my feelings of wanting to make sure everyone around me is feeling good and having a fun time.  So for me, being the type of person that I am, my formula for being in the right state to flirt (and approach!) is just a tad below obnoxious, a bit of happy and sociable.  Too much happy or too much obnoxious, I find that people start misinterpreting what I am doing.  Ill get those looks from people like they can’t tell whether or not I am picking on them – even if there is a big smile on my face.  I have a bit of an intimidating look, and it is good for larger guys to take their size into consideration when considering how much energy to bring to the table when interacting with people this way.  Even more so during the day, when Im out at a club, its ok to bring a little more energy to the exchange.  I often find that I have to subdue or muffle the amount of energy I am feeling like putting out once I get rolling.  I start enjoying myself so much that I sometimes get caught up in how much fun I am having.  It is important to split your attention when you are flirting to pay attention to the social cues you are getting from the girl you are flirting with.

There are different types of flirting from the overtly sexual to playful teasing.  Flirting is almost a form of sarcasm in that you often say one thing and mean the opposite.  If you want to know how to indirectly flirt, practice giving compliments with an embedded insult worked into the statement – in a FUN way.  ”Wow, you actually look FANTASTIC today!”  This is said with a grin and a playful look in your eyes.  Flirting differs from sarcasm and condescension in that you often say  things that sound like you are lowering someones status, but in reality, you are building it up and communicating the opposite.  With sarcasm and being condescending, you will say words that mean something positive, but when you factor in tonality, context and inflection, the meaning because something negative.  Personally, I save the sexual flirting for women that I am already sleeping with.  Though I may indirectly allude to sex when I flirt, sexual flirting can serve to reduce sexual tension.  If I am going to sleep with a girl, I like to keep her guessing as long as humanly possible as to whether or not sex is going to happen.  Personally, I feel that flirting in a sexual fashion serves to show your hand a bit too directly.  In fact, women will sometimes throw out some sexual banter as a test to see what your reaction is going to be.  Guys who get all excited and immediately go sexual fail miserably and appear needy when they do this.  The proper answer to tests like this is to bust on the girl for being creepy or any of the other ways girls try to make men appear silly when they approach.  Do this in a lighthearted, happy manner and you display wit and social competence.

If you have made it this far down the article, you desirve a reward.  Here it is – the meat and potatoes of how to flirt with a girl.  Go and read my post about banter lines.  Banter is the magic element that turns regular conversation into a flirtatious exchange.  All you have to do is throw out a line or two of banter and then all of a sudden the nature of the interaction changes.  Properly delivered, banter lines and flirting convey many things.  First off, flirting shows high social status.  It is a display of social savvy.  It shows confidence and competence.  By being comfortable enough to play with words and their meaning you sub communicate that you are relaxed and feel at ease with your surroundings.

Many guys go through great lengths to find good ‘lines’ they can use to meet women.  As I said before, with both approaching and flirting with a woman it’s not so much the content of what you are saying as it is the feelings that are going on underneath them.  To learn how to flirt with women, take one or two banter lines and use them over and over again.  Just like a comedian perfects their delivery by continuous repetition, so to will you get good at flirting by using the same line several times over.  At first, it will probably be enough just to say them if you aren’t comfortable talking to women in this way.  The sooner you begin to pay attention to the reactions you are receiving and heeding social feedback, the quicker you will get good at flirting.

You should be forewarned that this is a form of social intelligence.  You need to keep in mind that most good looking women will have been dealing with this sort of play for several years and will have much more skill at this sort of thing than you may expect.  You should know that often times they will quickly return fire with some form of sarcastic comment themselves.  Sometimes it will be a playful test to see if you are able to keep your cool when they deliver a borderline nasty line.  A good rule of thumb is to always playfully misinterpret anything they are saying or doing as either ‘cute’ or as if what they are doing is trying to pick you up.  Also, never apologize.  That is, unless it is really called for.  A game that many women like to play when they have a man flirting with them is to see if they cant get the guy to supplicate or kiss their butt.  It’s often a test to see if the social status you are indirectly conveying is real or a facade.  In the pick up community, they often call it a ’shit test’.  No matter what, you never let them know you have been rattled.  Never loose your cool, become offensive or show that you are upset in any way.  If a girl goes too far and is nasty, rather than fight with them, I will either excuse myself from the conversation and move on, or I will turn my back to them for a while as a form of take away.  Either way I will not stand for being disrespected.

Banter lines are the basic structure of flirting.  Boiled down, what flirting is is a form of role play.  When you ‘hit’ with a good banter line, you playfully impose a role on the person you are flirting with.  You tease them or make assumptions about some variable and by interacting back with you, they have to assume a particular role or social position.  As I said before, it can be of a sexual nature or just about anything you happen to feel like playing around with.  Good flirting is about spreading good feelings.  Period.  Babies flirt.  Guys flirt with other guys.  It doesn’t always have to be about getting into someone’s pants.  The reason why flirting is good for picking up women is because of the attraction it builds.  Displaying confidence and high social status are vital elements to getting girls -and confidence is always considered a sexy trait.

Do you want to get good at flirting with women?  Make a habit of trying to make every one around you feel good.  Simple as that.  Make no discrimination either, doesn’t matter if it’s a guy if they are old, young, fat, ugly…  When you can feel comfortable enough to not let yourself get intimidated by a good looking woman’s looks get in the way of you doing this, you will have the capacity to be an excellent flirt.  In the mean time, memorize some banter lines and use them whenever possible.  And don’t worry about someone hearing you use the same phrase more than once.  Nobody really cares, and if you have ever watched a comedian or hung out with someone who has developed a particular social skill, you will see that many people usually only operate with a few stock phrases that they like to use in certain situations.  I am not suggesting that you become a social robot, but for the sake of learning how to flirt with women, it can be really helpful to use a crutch until you start to feel competent enough to free flow.

Another thing about banter lines while I am at it.  If you want to know how to flirt over text or SMS, single banter lines are perfect for this!  Just make sure to remember that texting and digital media remove several elements of communication – namely tonality, inflection and body language.  Its very easy to misinterpret sarcasm and humor over text so when in doubt either pick another line of banter or make sure to use an emoticon after the text.  Another thing… do your best not to laugh at your own jokes in person, but when using humor over text -if you want to make sure the woman knows there is joking going on, it is best to out a ‘LOL’ before whatever line you are using.

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This is a follow up of my other post that is already filled with good banter lines.  Remember that memorizing a bunch of banter lines is not good enough.  The best way to make use of these lines is to take two or three of them, and use them over and over again.  Once you know you have one, add another to the repertoire.   The idea here is to cultivate good delivery.  A good banter line often comes across as mildly sarcastic and there is an element of teasing behind it.  Getting good at banter is just like learning to deliver comedy – half of it is the banter line, which has a definite structure, and the other half is learning the delivery which only comes with practice.

A good formula to help you create banter lines for yourself is to say something to the girl that implies that she is a creepy, sex-crazed stalker who is chasing after you.  Or, if you want to create a line on the fly, playfully misinterpret anything she does or says as if to mean that she is coming on to you.  This works really well if she has just gotten done trying to say something to tool you or break you down.  If you really want to learn how to create banter, understand that underneath the lines is the element of creating roles.  With banter, you are creating a frame for her and assigning a role for the both of you.

It’s ok to make statements that sound like you are completely full of yourself.  Adding a little bit of dry humor to your banter lines will work even better for those of you who are used to hearing people tell you that you are too serious.  As with any other type of humor, the contrast created when you say something that is unexpected will add a little extra weight to your banter lines.

Banter in terms of picking up girls is a witty, flirtacious exchange.  It is NOT self depricating humor, in fact, it is the opposite.  You are not out to impress people with your humility when delivering these lines.  What will separate witty banter lines from normal banter will simply be the speed at which you are able to come up with an intelligent and appropriate line for the situation.  By practicing several of these lines, not only will you find that certain ones work better in certain situations, your ability to create them spontaneously will improve as well.  Quick wit is a form of social aptitude, it is a reflexive intelligence that you can practice and cultivate.  In plain English what that means is that even if you are dull and stupid, you can develop wit and become good at banter.

With that little reminder, here are some more banter lines.

“I am SO out of your league!”

“You actually look nice today!”

“Stop trying to impress me.”

“Hold on a minute… Do you smell that?  Something smells DAMNED GOOD! … oh wait, thats me!”

Go up to random girl and say, “I’ve got a friend who thinks you’re pretty, she’s a little shy, but she really wants to meet you.”  Then proceed to introduce her to random people as your wife, who is pregnant.

When someone meets you and says “nice to meet you”, you reply with “I can only imagine” or “I’ll bet it is!”

Any compliment that comes your way:  “You ain’t kidding” or “Duh!!!”  You can also correct them and let them know specifically what is so awesome about you.  What you are looking for with this is obnoxiously cocky.

Related posts:

1. Banter Lines

If you are interested in learning how to get girls to notice you, chances are pretty good that you haven’t had much success seducing women in the past.  That is quite alright, even those of us who are good with women started from a similar place.  Only difference, is that some of us may have unconsciously learned about how to get with girls at an earlier age.  Many so called ‘naturals’ are good with women, they know how to get a girls phone number, they may even have ways to get in a girls pants with ease, but often times they are unable to articulate what it is that they are doing exactly.  The beauty of the online pick-up community over the last 10 to 15 years is that a lot of this information has been broken down and spelled out in a very scientific way.  This is great news for the intellectuals among us who like to analyze and study the things that interest them.

If you only want to know how to get girls to notice you, you can stop reading this article now.  Go to a boat store and buy yourself an air horn.  The next time you see a woman whose attention you desire, stand in front of her and give her a good blast with your horn.

If you are wanting to learn how to get girls to find you attractive, then there is a little more that needs to be looked at.  Not much though.  Many guys getting into learning how to pick up girls get hung up on attraction.  In the begging, it seems like finding ways to get girls attracted is going to somehow be the magic keys that helps you get into a girls pants.  I’m here to tell you that it’s not the magic secret.  Far from it.

Ask yourself  what ‘attraction’ is for you.  Really look at it.  Note that I did not ask you what ‘horny’ was.  A common mistake many men make when they want to learn how to pick up girls is to think that women operate the same way that men do.  A guy will notice a girl, look at her head, do a quick scan of her body to see what kind of shape she is in then begin visualizing the things he wants to do with her.

Women operate a little bit differently.

Without going into the entire anatomy of a pick-up, lets just say that a seduction begins with ‘attraction’.

And what is this magical quality that somehow begins the whole courtship ( mating) ritual?  How can we make ourselves more likely to exude the qualities that will somehow inspire this emotion in women?  If ‘attraction’ is different from ‘horny’, then what is it?

Quite simply, attraction for a women is nothing other than curiosity.

There is this thing in our brains called the reticular activating system.  One of the many things it does is unconsciously scans our environment for this subjective thing we call ‘value’.  And what ‘value’ is is anything that will aide in our survival or help us propagate and provide for our progeny.  I try to use big words sometimes, deal with it.

‘Value’ is subjective.  If you want to know how to get girls to notice you, if you want to know ways to get in a girls pants, or how to get a girls number, everything begins with her unconscious mind recognising some representation of value coming from you.

If you are looking to get that one specific girl to notice you, you may be in for a little bit of trouble.  Knowing that value is relative, you need to understand that some of the qualities you believe make you attractive may attract one girl, yet repel another.

What we do in the pick-up and seduction community, as wannabe pick up artists is to make ourselves attractive in a general way.  Trying to custom tailor your attractiveness to one woman is a pointless endevor.  Why?  Because it is often very, very difficult to figure out what specific cues are going to trigger her interest.  There are so many factors, including her history, her family values, her past boyfriends…  The list goes on and on.

If you know what people value, you can emulate those things so as to create attraction.  Its that simple.  It is what underlies the social matrix.  This stuff applies not only to picking up and seducing women.  It applies to nearly all social interaction.

Now you can see why all of these different pick-up techniques work.  It also explains why a guy like Mystery can dress in funny hats, wear makeup and still be able to pull like nobodies business.  He displays VALUE.  Being able to tell good stories, being able to entertain, attractive qualities.  How does this relate to reproductive value?  We are social creatures.  Women in particular have a biologicasl need for a community of people to help with child rearing and protection.  The more social value a man possesses, the greater the chance her children will have of survival.

I got news for you guys, simply having a penis and a pair of nuts is enough to inspire attraction in many women.  Surprise!!!  Keeping in mind that value is relative, how many instances have you seen or heard of some hotty hooking up with some nerdy douche who didn’t seem deserve her?  You never know what weird quirk or quality that is going to be attractive to any particular woman.

Keep this simple understanding in mind and you will begin to see human interaction in a completely different light.  Not only will you learn how to get girls to notice you, but you will alsobegin understand the structure of human interaction.

Loads of fun for intellectual types like us who need to understand everything!

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I figured I would make a little article about a couple random things for you to chew on that will help with your success getting with women.  These little tid-bits have more to do with theory, others simply come from real life experience.  I would encourage you to take some of these things for a run and see if they resonate with you.  These are things that I have found to be true for myself.

First tip.  Don’t listen to women for advice regarding how to pick up women.  Of the few women who are able to articulate what goes on in their head, you need to remember that they don’t think like men.  Lets say you ask a woman where she would like to be taken on a date.  First off, the word “date” alone has already skewed any type of answer you are going to receive.  Her mindset, desires and goals might be a little different than yours to start off with.  Secondly, she is going to imagine herself being taken on a date from someone like Brad Pitt or her perfect “10″.  As such, she is going to advise you to kiss the girls ass, be polite and asexual.  All things that would be required for her to feel comfortable with someone like Brad Pitt.  This is a big one.  Stop listening to what girls have to say about hooking up, the media as well.  I swear those two groups are responsible for most of the nutless chumps running around paying money to not have sex with women who have no respect for them.these days.

Second tip for getting girls.  Its all about perceived value.  You become the prize when she imagines that you are a valuable commodity.  Ever notice how competitive and jealous women are of each other?  Its hardwired into their brains.  This tip has many, many applications and a lot of pick-up and seduction theory centers around this fact.  Value is relative.  A sharp metal object may have no value what so ever at the bottom of the ocean.  Find one on the yard in a maximum security prison, and it becomes quite valuable.  There are many types of value, and often times you can appear to have a particular type of value without even possessing it.  I have a good looking sister.  Sometimes we hang out.  Its funny to watch how most of the women in the venue become so much more interested in me than if I had arrived alone.  Some call this “social proof”.  The possibilities with this one are endless, with a little bit of strategic thinking, you can use women’s selfish nature to feed your own.  This is one of the best ways to attract women.  The social matrix itself is build on perceived value.  Whether you choose to accept this or not, makes little difference.  Ethical concerns aside, a cold hard look at this will not only improve your chances of hooking up with women, it will do wonders for your social, financial as well as sexual life.

Pay attention to these two tips for getting girls, the return you will get from them is pure GOLD!

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Here is a list of banter lines.  You don’t need to memorize the entire list in order to get girls, having a few of these in your back pocket will certainly come in handy.  Take only one or two at a time, use it often and make it yours.  Once you get good with a particular line, move on to the next one.  In a relatively short period of time, you will find that you can build a lot of attraction really quick using nothing but banter lines.  Make sure to remember that once you begin to connect with a girl and have a decent amount of rapport, you should back off with some of the attraction stuff and go for a sustainable lower energy vibe.  This is one of the more potent ways to attract women, but it will backfire later on down the road if she can’t connect with you on a deeper level (that is, unless she is a drunk party girl.)

“Seriously if you don’t stop hitting on me, I’m getting a restraining order”

“It’s OK, you can kiss me”

“You (guys) are trouble!  I can tell just looking at you”

“You seem safe”

“I saw you checking me out, I figured if I didn’t come over and say something, you might follow me home later”

“Is that your best pick up line?”

“OK, we can be friends, but I don’t want you bothering me for sex later on”

“Your hair looks kinda nice”

“She’s the feisty one out of the bunch, I can tell these things”

“Don’t say anything, you’re cute, you’ll mess it up”

“You’re so cute!  I’m gonna put you in my pocket and take you home with me.  Wait, are you housebroken?  My roommate will kill me if you pee on the floor”

“Are you threatening me?”

“I don’t care”

“Quit looking at me!  Quit looking at me!  Quit looking at me!  Hey you…  Quit looking at me!”

While a lot of these banter lines may be context dependent, some of them will have an even better effect when they are simply thrown into the conversation at random times.  Also be aware that you can over do things and put too much energy into the delivery and creep girls out.  This is why its important to use the same line over and over again so you can learn to calibrate.  The same line used by two different people can have different results as well.  Larger guys may need to tone down the energy level of sarcastic lines as it can be easy for a girl to interpret your energy as threatening.

These lines can be fun to use.  They are also good to play around with when you find the conversation feels like work.  Banter is great for adding a fun element and building attraction, this also paves the way for transitioning to the comfort stage once you see that the woman is committed to the interaction.  While these lines create fun conversations, keep in mind that if you use this type of communication too often, even with a playful and sarcastic tone, it will have the opposite effect of attraction and simply look like narcissistic behavior. The best banter lines appear to be spontaneous and are often completely unexpected.

Related posts:

1. Good Banter Lines

I have spent most of my time picking up girls either as a lone wolf or as a bouncer at a club.  That’s right, I’ve used the social proof gained from my job to help with getting girls to come home with me.  Don’t think that you need to go out and get a particular job to get with girls.  There are other things you can do so as to leverage this same type of ’social proof’ and do just as well.  Social proof is simply another way of saying social status.  It is a very valuable commodity in terms of picking up women.  Social status is type of value that is both relative and within your realm of influence.  This article is going to show you a few different things you can do, alone or with a wingman, in a large social setting that will boost your perceived social ranking and thus attractiveness to the women around you.

The main jist of this technique is simply playing host where ever you happen to be, even if you don’t know a single person in the room.  In pick-up terms, you ’sarge the venue’ as opposed to hitting on one specific girl.

This tactic takes advantage of several things at once.  First of all, women are very competitive.  Pay attention the next time you are in a social setting.  Watch what the women are watching.  Women may or may not noticeably turn their attention to the door as a male walks into the room.  But watch what happens when an attractive woman walks in.  Their heads pop up like prairie dogs.  Women are highly competitive and unconsciously watch any potential threats.  On the other side of that coin as well, notice that it is not the single men that usually get scoped out, its the guy who is seen interacting with other women.  Girls want what other girls have.  They will go for a schleppy looking guy who is seen flirting with other women over a good looking guy standing by himself because in their minds that schlep must have some value or those women wouldn’t be attracted in the first place.

So how do we take advantage of this when we are at a club or a party and we are all by ourselves?  We get to know the venue.  We must be seen interacting with lots of people.  Playing host is an easy way of doing this.  It involves approaching groups of people, mixed sets — guys and girls, and making fun, quick interactions.  You make it short and sweet, and then move on to the next group within the immediate vicinity.  Its very important in the beginning of the night not to allow too much idle time.  It is very easy to stale out and become that loner in the room twiddling his thumbs, loosing social value with each movement of the second hand.  This type of interaction also does wonders for putting you in the right ’state’ to do pick up.

Your first pass, or couple of passes, through the venue (some call this “working a room”)- you should make a point of being the person to break the interaction.  You can simply walk off at the first lull in the conversation, or sarcastically tell the group that you have some “incredibly important business to attend to” and slither off.  If you are paying attention with your peripheral vision, I guarantee you will notice several women in the room watching you as you make your rounds.  What you are doing is getting girls to take note of your social worth thus putting you on their radar as a potential mate.  This simple curiosity is what we call ‘attraction’.

After you’ve worked the room and have made a couple of rounds, you can begin either introducing different groups to each other, or you can begin to cash in on some of the value you have acquired and start working some targets.  Don’t make the mistake of only settling in on one particular girl that you are interested in either.  Remember that women want the guy that every other woman wants, in general.  Getting girls becomes easy when you understand female psychology and put it to work for you.

This is one of the most entertaining ways to go out and pick up women.  Ive had loads of fun doing this even on nights when Ive come home empty handed.  Just don’t look at the venue when you first arrive and psyche yourself out at the thought of having to win over the entire crowd.  It’ll never happen like that anyways.  Just pick off people or groups of people in the room one bite at a time.  Getting girls to become attracted to you is easy with this technique.

Related posts:

1. Getting into State

Learning about getting girls, meeting girls, picking girls up- its all useless until you can learn how to manipulate your emotional STATE! There is tons of information out there on different techniques and dating advice all over the net but none of it makes any bit of difference if you go out there and cant implement your game plan.

Conversely, a lot of those rules, ‘do’s and dont’s’ and such often wont make a bit of difference when you find yourself ‘in state’. If you go out and approach enough, you will find that you have certain nights where you are in the zone and can do no wrong. You can break all the rules if you like and still pull like nobodies business. You can walk up to women, introduce yourself and proceed to ask a litany of boring interrogative questions and still manage to pull.

Why is this?

What is more important than any technique is the emotional state that is driving it.

Some call it ‘mojo’, others call it ‘macking’ or being ‘in the zone’.

What I found to be one of the most frustrating aspects of picking up women was not so much being rejected, but overcoming whatever stagnant antisocial funk I happened to be in before getting ‘in the mood’ to be out there enjoying myself interacting with people. By nature, I am half introverted, half extroverted. If I have been sitting home dicking around on the internet for 4 or 5 hours before I go out at night, it can be very difficult to muster up the energy to even want to talk to anyone let alone stick my neck out there and exchange energy with complete strangers.

This is why, for me anyways, I need to warm up as Im going out.

Most of the time I have spent picking up women, it has been as a lone wolf doing pick up in night clubs. I have almost always went out alone. In the beginning- about 99% of the time, if I didnt start out being social when I went out, I would barely speak to anyone the entire night! I quickly learned that it was important for me to begin my ‘night out’ before I hit whatever venue I was going to to pick up women. I would start by calling a friend on my way out and joking around getting myself into a good mood. I would then stop by 7-Eleven for some gum and at least say ‘hi’ or ‘whats up’ to anyone who made eye contact with me. I would make a little chit-chat with the clerk. After I park my car and start walking up to the club, I will ask people who cross my path for the time even if I know what time it is. You get the idea.

Going out at night is a bit different than doing pick up during the day. Night time you have to be higher energy. Between the alcohol, lights and all the noise, you are competing against alot of distracting factors. Not to mention the fact that club goers tend to be sensation seekers. For me personally, getting myself into a slightly obnoxious state goes a long way towards getting me to that place where I am bringing the fun and sharing it with everyone around me. Doing silly meaningless shit like yelling at people to “stop looking at me!… stop looking at me!… stop looking at me!…” gets me in the right mood. some people use drugs or alcohol, I dont use either and if you are looking to develop a skill set you can use any time any place I dont recommend it.

So the take-home message is that you need to find a way to overcome whatever antisocial mood you happen to be in before or as you are heading out to your pick up venue. Being ’social’ is very much like an emotional state. You sometimes have to work yourself into it, it doesnt just happen by magic. Developing a pre-game ritual can be very helpful for this. Dont use your lack of desire to talk to people to be your excuse to pack up and go home, the withdrawn antisocial mood is a clear indicator that you need to force yourself to approach people- guys or girls- ugly or good looking- just to shake the cobwebs and get you into a talkative mood. Only then will you find that you have a chance to get into the zone.

Related posts:

1. Getting Girls

On a day 2, and even during the initial pick up, it is advisable to take the girl to more than one venue. The reason for this is that the more places you interact with her, the more she is going to feel as if she knows you. This brings a quicker sense of familiarity and results in more comfort on her part. Rather than ask her where she wants to go, or presenting her with choices, a stronger play is to simply tell her as you are on your way. Your job is to LEAD, remember?

Conversation should take the same course. It is better to talk about many different topics than to beat one to death. Just because you two share something in common, does not mean that that will be enough. How do you interact with your buddies? Bust her chops and keep things light. If she talks about something depressing, you can change the subject as if she never said anything. When you talk about yourself or about your history, talk about how things made you feel. Stay away from going into any depth about ex’s or previous emotional entanglements. She wont feel as if she has begun to know you until she can relate to you on an emotional level.

Getting girls to have sex with you is usually simply a matter of making it ok for them to do so. It is important that she feels absolutely no judgmentalness on your part. It should be stricken from your vocabulary. Many women will also need an excuse to relieve them of accountability. What I mean by this is that by nature, they will guard their social status above all else. As a man, it is your job to shoulder accountability for the entire interaction. If you wish to bring a girl to your house, directly asking her to come over without pretense will often raise her defensiveness, and in an effort not to look like a slut she may say “no.” On the other hand, if you invite her over to look at the handmade ashtray collection you mentioned earlier, she will much more likely say “yes.” Women arent stupid, they know what your intentions are when you ask them over to your house. And remember, just because they know what you want, does not mean that if they come over, that they are obliged to do anything with you.

A girl may agree to come to your house and then immediately raise an objection or tell you what she wont be doing when she gets there. Once again, from a social perspective, know that in her mind telling you that she is not going to have sex with you is yet another way she pushes accountability off into your corner. If anything happens, she can always fall back on “well I told him I wasnt going to have sex!” In her mind, she offered the necessary resistance and is thus not a ’slut’. If a woman says such a thing, NEVER get defensive and dont allow it to rattle you. You can take comfort in the fact that she is obviously already visualizing having sex with you. If you must address the content of what she is saying, assure her that you are not about to pressure her into anything that she feels uncomfortable doing and then change the subject.

If at any point during the seduction, you are wondering whether or not you should be escalating on a physical level- chances are pretty good you should have already done it. This is provided of course that you are in an appropriate environment. Remember, playful kino is ok anywhere, but you dont try to ‘get somewhere’ until your in a suitable place. No making out in public. Interpret everything other than a solid “NO” as a means to protect social status or a need for more comfort. Never ask “why not?” When its sexytime, there is no more talking. She will try to talk as a means of dissipating sexual tension. Do not let this happen.

Remember that there is a well defined map with regards to kino escalation. Although that isnt the scope of this article, remember that a “no” means you need to take a step back, and allow her to become a little more comfortable with what she wasnt previously objecting to. Then try again later. Always push the interaction as far as she will allow. Remember to try and put yourself in her shoes and remember that although she wants you to lead her into sex, there is much greater risk on her part to go there with you. She is taking a risk on a protective level, a social level not to mention the risk of pregnancy or catching disease- so keep this in mind. I am not suggesting to be timid, rather you should be fully in the moment and paying close attention to what she is saying, what she is doing and most importantly what she is sub communicating.

Related posts:

1. Day 2: Touch and Venue Selection

There are some common mistakes many guys make when trying to get girls to give them their phone number. Most of these errors stem from a deep seeded scarcity mentality which plays itself out by endowing the male with a timid mindset.

One of the first and most common things is asking for the number at an inappropriate time. Sure, often times the interaction is being cut short and there is probably going to be no other time to ask. Of course you should do what ever you can do at this time to carry the interaction further at a later time. But most guys will often ask for her phone number before there has been any kind of connection. You cant just walk up to a girl, dazzle her with your ability to ask her about her name, occupation and general hobbies and then expect her to want to continue the same tired-assed conversation every chump comes at her with every time she goes out.

Asking for her phone number can be a mistake as well. Let me explain a little something to you first. Your job as the male is to lead the woman into having good feelings with you. Your job is to lead. You dont lead by timidly asking a girl if she could do you the honor of giving you her phone number “….if thats ok with you?” Getting good with girls is about learning how to sub communicate. When you ask questions, even asking if its ok to get her phone number, what you sub communicate is that you are in a relative position of weakness compared to her. A much more effective way to get a girl’s phone number is to tell her to give it to you.

“Why dont you give me your number and we’ll XYZ”

“Give me your number and I’ll blah blah blah…”

I know what you’re probably thinking. Thats TOO forward. She’ll slap me or call me out for being overbearing. I can say for certain that that very well may happen to you when you finally begin to grow a pair and start learning what it means to lead. There is a learning curve, and most of what you learn about picking up women will require calibration. The only way you learn what is going to right in any situation is by putting yourself out there and going through the necessary growing pains. I will say this though, I have certainly been called out before by women whose phone number I was getting in this fashion. 99 percent of the time, she was testing me and trying to see if I was really as confident as I was projecting myself to be.

Remember, a refusal on her part is entirely her prerogative. Its also usually good feedback and isnt necessarily an indication that she has rejected you. Often times, if she doesnt appear to be annoyed or attempting to flee the scene, perhaps she is simply needing to connect with you a little further or screen you to make sure you arent going to be stalking her after she gives you her number. Your job is to hang in there until you have been flatly rejected. Even if this happens, you dont holler at her, call her names or sulk away like you just got kicked in the stomach. A simple “well thats too bad, I enjoyed talking to you” may leave the door open for something to happen later on down the line.

There is one last thing that many guys do when they get a number that causes a lot of flaking from the girls. This is really important too. Many guys, having secured the number, feeling a sense of accomplishment as if they’ve done their work for the day and can now relax- they run off as soon as they get the digits. While you may have gotten the girl’s phone number, you just shot yourself in the foot. The goal with all this stuff here is to get the girls to enjoy the post-coital afterglow with you, not to gather meaningless seven digit numbers. When you get something you want from the girl and then run off to commiserate with your buddies, what do you think you have just sub communicated to the girl you just got the phone number of? You look like a player, or even worse, you look like someone who is going run off to their buddies the minute they get something they want. Think about that. How much effort is it to hang around a couple minutes afterwards and show her that you are a normal guy that isnt going to dog her the minute youre done getting what you want?

So a quick little summary. You are the guy. You lead. You have many options, so you arent scared of rejection. You understand that sometimes women need to feel comfortable before giving out their phone number, so if she says “no”, you smile and continue the conversation knowing that her “no” wasnt a rejection of you (unless she says so directly) but rather a sub communication that you need to put more work into gaining rapport and comfort with the girl. And if you want the number to bear fruit… if you want things to go somewhere with the woman whose number you just got, remember that the pick up doesnt end with getting the girl’s phone number, at all times she is looking to see if you are real, if you are confident, and that you arent some kind of creepy douche bag.

No related posts.

OK. So you’ve managed to meet a girl and convince her that its ok to give you her phone number and you have plans to meet for a ‘day 2′. Before we get into some of the ‘do’s and dont’s’ of a day 2 we need to make sure that we are clear about why we are having this ‘day 2′.

The purpose behind seeing girls after getting their phone number is to sleep with them. Our objective is to get a girl into our bed. You do not call a girl in order to ask her out on a “date”. Regardless of what your intentions are (unless you have religious convictions that get in the way of this), you will almost always end up in a better position to get what you ultimately want if you have slept with them first. This is provided, of course, that things dont go horribly wrong when you get the girl into bed with you. Even then, your position is usually going to be a lot better than if you where dating them and attempting to woo them by pulling out chairs for them and allowing them to walk on your coat.

So now that we know where we are going, lets discuss some of the things we should and should not do in order to get us closer to our goal.

If we want the girl to end up in our bed, or where ever it is that we feel most comfortable making sexytime, a little tactical planning ahead of time is going to go a long way in making things happen. First off, we know that it is important for the woman to feel comfortable meeting up with us. If we are near complete strangers, asking a girl to come back to your lair right off that bat is rather foolish.

We also dont want to spend alot of money. Not because you are cheap, and its quite alright if you are, its because we dont want to set a dating frame. You are not wining and dining this girl. From her perspective, you dont really know her from Adam, so why would you throw lots of money around trying to get to know her unless you felt she was incredibly valuable to you. Throughout the interaction you want to sub communicate that you are a high value guy and that you have options. Kissing her ass, spending money on her and lavishing her with praise all convey to her that you feel unworthy and that she has more value than you. Why would a girl want to sleep with someone who admitted that they werent worthy of it?

In order to satisfy all of these conditions, we find a location that is near our place, doesnt cost a lot of money, and that is at least semi-public. Coffee shops and diners are almost always a safe bet. Things should feel no different than if you called your buddy to meet you out for some coffee or to grab a bite to eat. This eases some of the discomfort and sets the tone of the interaction. Laid back.

The first thing that should happen when you see the girl, you want to touch her. A hug and a kiss on the cheek is perfect. If you can hold her hand, walk her into the venue with your hand on her elbow or shoulder…. whatever. The idea isnt to start dry humping her leg but to allow her to feel comfortable being touched by you. You dont want to grope, but you do want to make light, frequent contact. A big no-no here as well: dont look at the spot you are going to touch! A lot of guys, specially when they arent used to touching girls will overthink what they are doing. Looking at a spot before you touch it is creepy. It sub communicates that you arent just letting things happen in a natural way. And its quite alright if things dont feel natural to you at first. This is how we get good with girls, we “fake it until you make it.”

When we take our seat, we want to sit in such a way as to make ‘kino’ (aka ‘touching’ or ‘kinesthetics’) easy to happen. If Im sitting all the way across the table, I cant touch her while Im talking to her, I cant grab her hand when Im playing with her or hit her on the shoulder when I tease her. If I can help it, I will sit side by side. If I have to sit across from her, I will find a reason to grab her hand and play with it. Touching is SO important on many different levels. It helps build comfort, it gets her familiar with being touched by you, and it gets her thinking about all the other ways you can touch her as well.

This is only part of the recipe that will make for a successful day 2.

Related posts:

1. Day 2: Touch and Venue Selection (part II)